rosetta thurman – Page 2 – Nonprofit Chapin

31 Day Reset: Day 21 – The Power of Unfriending

December 21, 2011nonprofitchapin

I’m participating in the 31 Days to Reset Your Life program at Happy Black Woman. The program is designed to help you evaluate your goals and priorities and think of them in the context of your life today and how you might be able to refocus on what’s important. Read on to learn about my experience with the challenge!

Today’s activity was to cut the negative people out of your life. This is something I spent a lot of time focusing on around eight years ago, and I would say looking at my friend base now, I did a pretty good job of it. I always make a conscious effort to spend time only with people who invigorate me, give me hope, and simply make me happy.

One area I’m not so good with is on the internet. I’ve friended people on Facebook simply because they sent a request and followed people on Twitter because it seemed like a good idea at the time. Well there’s no denying that I spend a good amount of time on Facebook and Twitter, so I decided to take that piece of advice from Rosetta and work on that today.

Facebook has a feature that I haven’t paid much attention to until now, and it was perfect for today’s exercise. For each of your friends, there are three levels of “subscription” you can have – you can opt to view only important activity, most activity, or all activity. You can also unsubscribe to see updates from someone altogether. Even within that, you can choose which type of updates you want to see (about life, etc), but I didn’t go that far.

I simply went down my news feed and for about 80% of people I switched the setting from most updates to only important updates. For people I don’t feel a strong connection to, or who I was close with in the past but don’t necessarily want to dwell on memories about, I either unsubscribed to their updates or unfriended them altogether. And my close friends I subscribed to all updates.

Now all this Facebook speak really has me sounding kind of silly. Even my boyfriend and accountability partner was skeptical. But I feel strongly that the time I put in to this will make me happier. I have removed the reminders of things about my past I don’t want to dwell on. And I have highlighted friends who I love and give me life. A byproduct of this is also that I will have less updates, so hopefully I won’t waste so much time online.

Next will be to unfollow people on Twitter. I hope to do this soon. But I wanted to focus on Facebook first because there are more emotions attached to it. Whether we like it or not, our emotions are wrapped up in the online world. We might as well take control.

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 20 – Steps Toward Minimalism

December 20, 2011nonprofitchapin

OK, I definitely cheated on this one. Rosetta asked us to get rid of everything we don’t need. Yes, I said EVERYTHING. Well. I know for a fact that would take hours to complete! As many of you know from my most popular post on this blog, What I Learned From My Garage Sale, I took some time to do this in May, gearing up for my move across California. I spent a ton of time going through stuff I hadn’t touched for years and putting it in the garage sale pile. I definitely did not get through everything, but I made a pretty good dent. Our stuff FILLED my poor station wagon to the brim (we were doing the sale in a friend’s front yard)! But it was wonderful to get rid of so much stuff!

The moral of the story is that from that instance I’ve made a pact that we need to do sales either once or twice a year to continue to prompt ourselves to get rid of our things. We keep a pile at all times of things to sell. Right now the corner is pretty full! I am hoping we can do something around March/April time.

So, as far as this exercise goes – I’m all for it. But I know it would take a HUGE amount of time. And I’m sick today (still hanging on to a fever that started Sunday!). I simply don’t have the time or energy to take it on. I did fill a bag of clothes to add to the pile at least. And I acknowledge the fact that this is a really useful thing to do.

Sorry I cheated! But you just gotta do what you gotta do (or not do) sometimes!!

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 19 – Roses & German Chocolate Cake

December 19, 2011nonprofitchapin1 Comment

This exercise was fun and sweet! Rosetta pointed out that most of us mentioned love, marriage and/or kids on our bucket list. So, today she challenged us to revive our love lives. For those of us in a committed relationship, this means doing something romantic or out of the ordinary for our partner.

My boyfriend and my four year anniversary was on Friday so we had made a point to celebrate our love just a few days ago. But that made today even nicer because it was that much more unexpected. I’m also sick today, so a date night out was out of the picture. Instead, I snuck out of the house under the guise that I was getting ginger, chard and a sweet potato for dinner. In fact, I also picked up some roses, a slice of German chocolate cake (his favorite that we never eat because I’m not a big fan), and I spent some time writing some of the things I love about him in a card.

When I came back home he asked me if I had brought home a snack for him (he had been bugging me for one before I left!). I said sort of… with a smile… and brought him everything. He smiled and said, what’s this for? and I told him it was 1) because I love him and 2) because it was today’s 31 Day Reset prompt (he’s my accountability partner so he is well aware of the program). She told you to get someone flowers? he asked. The smile on his face was enough.

When we were first together I used to do surprising sweet gestures all the time. I would pick up flowers or wine to bring home. Sometimes I would plan out a whole day of activities for us. I have to admit that those things have dropped off recently, especially since we’ve moved and I’ve started school. It’s definitely something I’d like to make time for!

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 18 – Make a Bucket List

December 19, 2011nonprofitchapin4 Comments

I’m sure you’ve heard of the concept of a bucket list. It’s a list of things you want to do before you die, especially if you were told you’d die within six months. This challenge was simply to write up this list.

This was so much more difficult than I thought it would be! And I still have a list of only 12 things. Plus, I think some of them might not count, because it’s not necessarily something that could happen in six months… anyway I chose to still include them because they are important to me.

But the thing that stuck out to me the most is that nothing on my bucket list has to do with my career or making a difference in the lives of others. This might sound a little crazy, but I feel like with my involvement in Alternative Breaks at UCSD, I have made a tremendous difference in the lives of many and left an amazing legacy already. While I would love to make that kind of impact on another level, I don’t feel the need to. I feel the need to take care of myself and those around me.

Anyway, here’s what I came up with.

1. have children
2. get married
3. buy a house
4. pay off all my debts
5. run a marathon
6. advocate for awareness and research for my medical condition, become a spokeswoman for it
7. complete the USF MNA program (currently in)
8. see my sister get married and have kids
9. see my kids get married and have kids
10. go to Spain
11. visit the East Coast, especially New York and Washington, D.C.
12. go on a hot air balloon

Rosetta talks about being told you only have six months to live, and using that as inspiration. Actually about a year and a half ago I was given a diagnosis that is not nearly as dire as just six months to live but definitely means that my future is more uncertain than if I were totally healthy, and that I may not have all the physical capabilities I do now in thirty years from now. Perhaps that’s why my mindset has changed in a lot of ways… things I thought were very important before no longer are so dire.

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 17 – No Facebook, Twitter or Blogging for 24 Hours

December 18, 2011nonprofitchapin

Well, well. Isn’t this challenge timely after Day 16’s response! The exercise is really to not watch TV for 24 hours, but since I don’t have TV, I translated this exercise to non-social media activity.

My first instinct was to cheat. I told my boyfriend and accountability partner that I was going to start my 24 hours on Friday at 5:00, even though it was Saturday at 11:00. Friday was our four year anniversary so I had spent all evening cooking and away from the computer, anyway. No way, he said. Do an actual day, from wake up to bedtime.

So, I didn’t Facebook, tweet, or blog all of Saturday. I did read some emails because some family stuff was happening but I didn’t respond to anything. One of the hardest things to ignore was that I had a blog comment that was waiting to be approved. I know how I feel when I’m on the other side of that situation, so I felt bad.

Overall, it wasn’t too bad. I often use these sites to fill empty gaps in time; I definitely wanted to check it when I was waiting for my mom and sister in the car. But overall I was fine.

I did cheat once. We watched a movie. But we had been sitting within it for two weeks and hadn’t had time until then to watch it! I justified it by saying it had a pre-determined set of time, so it wasn’t necessarily wasting time.

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 15 – Time Audit

December 15, 2011nonprofitchapin3 Comments

Today’s exercise was pretty simple: do a time audit of a 24 hour period. Select a day (or average day) and write out everything you did during that period. This will theoretically allow you to evaluate how you really spend your time and if you really “don’t have time” to work on personal development.

I’m going to be upfront and tell you I didn’t find value in this exercise. I work full time, am getting my masters, have all my family around, and many of my close friends here. I just moved back home so the hype is still there (although not as bad when we first came up). We don’t have any TV (we subscribe to Netflix but it’s not like we watch all the time). And finally – I have a health condition that essentially mandates I have some rest time. Although I don’t even get as much as I should.

So, needless to say, I have been mindful of how I spend my time before this exercise. Getting rid of TV was really when the switch happened (which was almost a year ago – it was part of my new years life change last year). Yes, I spend some time on Facebook, but I argue that keeps me sane – without a little bit of that, anyone would go crazy!

Anyway, I still did the exercise. I don’t really have a typical day so I just chose yesterday. Mind you, this is very different because I am not in school right now so I don’t have reading/studying built in. But I do have the addition of the 31 Day Reset, so perhaps it balances out a bit.

6:00am-7:00am: sleep
7:00am-8:00am: shower, breakfast, drive to work
8:00am-9:00am: work: gift entry
9:00am-10:00am: work: gift entry
10:00am-11:000am: work: gift entry
11:00am-12:00pm: work: set up for development committee meeting
12:00pm:1:00pm: work: development committee meeting (participate & take minutes)
1:00pm-2:00pm: development committee meeting (participate & take minutes, clean up)
2:00pm-3:00pm: work: gift entry
3:00pm-4:00pm: work: gift entry
4:00pm-5:00pm: work: gift entry
5:00pm-6:00pm: drive home, email, Facebook, Twitter
6:00pm-7:00pm: email, Facebook, Twitter
7:00pm-8:00pm: get Christmas tree
8:00pm-9:00pm: pick up and eat dinner
9:00pm-10:00pm: work on 31 Day Reset
10:00pm-11:00pm: pay bills
11:00pm-12:00am: unwind, one episode of Modern Family
12:00am-1:00am: sleep
1:00am-2:00am: sleep
2:00am-3:00am: sleep
3:00am-4:00am: sleep
4:00am-5:00am: sleep
5:00am-6:00am: sleep

I’d love your feedback if you can identify pockets of time that are unnecessary or that I could do differently. Maybe I’m too close to my schedule and am not thinking objectively enough. Let me know if you disagree!! Because I could use another hour in the day!!!

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 14 – Reflect & Regroup

December 14, 2011nonprofitchapin

We’re at the two week mark so we’re getting a day to reflect on what we’ve learned this past week and read others’ posts and comment.

The most important thing I learned about myself this week is from my Hate Mail to my Lizard Brain post. I learned that I am the one who has control over the resistance I sometimes experience to doing new things or even doing them differently. I make the choices that lead to the decisions… so, it doesn’t have to be that way.

My favorite exercise was definitely yesterday’s creation of an ideal life narrative. I loved being able to envision my wildest dreams (which I don’t think I’ve ever really admitted to myself) and it was really cool to see that much of it is attainable.

I struggled the most with deciding on my accountability partner. My instinct from the start was to ask my boyfriend, but reading Rosetta’s comments about it not being anyone who was too close got me thinking it might not be a good idea. I feel confident in the decision, however. I think he is close but he’s not afraid to be honest with me.

Thanks for continuing on with me in this journey!

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 13 – My Dream Life

December 13, 2011nonprofitchapin3 Comments

Today’s exercise was a lot of fun! I envisioned my ideal life. I took my life map and thought about exactly what things would be in the kind of life I’d like. Some highlights from mine include:

I have a great family, including a loving, supportive husband and kids. I make it a priority for my family to continually give back to the community. I also make sure we take time to smell the roses and appreciate everything we have.
I have a consulting business where I help nonprofits with strategic planning and leaders with executive coaching. This allows me a good home/work balance where I can still spend time with my family yet maintain my connection to the nonprofit sector and effecting change in a way that’s important to me.
I own my own home and don’t worry about how I’ll pay for necessities like food, clothes, and even education for my children. Student loans and credit card debt are paid off. I make donations to my favorite charities on a regular basis.
My health condition is not a burden to me or my family. I am well educated about treatment options and the newest research. I have a great, supportive doctor who is always looking out for my best interests.
I have a good sense of balance in all areas of my life – home, family, and career. I never let one area overpower the others. I have healthy ways of dealing with stress and anxiety and an overall positive outlook.

Like I said – so much fun! Who doesn’t want to imagine what their perfect life would be? It definitely makes me see that some of these things are very easily attainable, while others don’t feel so easy. I imagine the remainder of the 31 Day Reset will help me address some of these feelings.

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 12 – Hate Mail to My Lizard Brain

December 12, 2011nonprofitchapin

OK, I know what you’re thinking. Lizard brain? She’s officially reset herself back to crazy town. I promise I’m not crazy! Rosetta shared the concept of the lizard brain through the words of the infamous Seth Godin (if you don’t know who he is, you definitely should!): your lizard brain is the part of your mind that is resisting change. It stops you from moving forward, and it’s important to conquer it to accomplish your goals.

So, Rosetta encouraged us to write a letter to our lizard brain, acknowledging its presence and telling it to go away. It took me a few minutes to really understand what I had been resisting in my life… but when I looked at my life map and thought in context of why I haven’t achieved that vision, things started to fall into place. My lizard brain acts a little different than most I believe, it’s very cunning… instead of me procrastinating on something, my lizard brain distracts me with something else. Sneaky!!

Here’s my letter – using Rosetta’s template and tweaking it just a bit!

Dear Lizard Brain,

I’ve been noticing you popping up at certain points in my life. It seems like every time I want to do something for my own happiness and growth, you show up to tear me down.

You have me convinced that everything is all or nothing. While this can be a good quality (i.e. it has kept me on track for this 31 Day Reset), it can also be a burden or deter me from doing something altogether. For example, I keep putting off starting a workout routine because I’m too busy to follow a program religiously. Well why not do every other day? You have me convinced that if I’m not doing it every day, I shouldn’t bother to do it at all, which simply isn’t the case.

You make it seem as though everything will fall apart if I don’t continue to do everything as I’m supposed to. This led me to have only a week and a half off between jobs when I moved across the state and started a new school program. While I love the job, I wonder in hindsight why I couldn’t have taken a few months off. What’s the worst that would have happened?

Speaking of jobs, even though I’m all about career advancement, and I even applied for some jobs that were higher level, you still steered me to accept the same sort of position I’ve had for the past five years. Like I said, I appreciate the job I have now, but there’s no denying that it’s similar to what I’ve done before – it’s the safe choice, and I could do more.

Finally, you don’t allow me to prioritize something that this Reset has shown me is important to me: leisure time. I tell myself I want more relaxing time, yet I still book myself up with commitments.

So I see what you’re doing and I don’t like it. Yes, I know that you’re afraid of change. You’re afraid of what will happen if I succeed. But what you have to understand is that whatever happens in my life will work out for my good. I was put here on earth for a purpose and you are keeping me from fulfilling that potential.

Well, until now, you have.

I will no longer allow you to stop my progress in living my ideal life. So the next time I see you, I will simply give you a nod and go on about my business.

It’s been nice knowing you, but now it’s time that we part ways.

Sincerely,

Nonprofit Chapin

I loved composing that letter. I’ve never thought about the things I haven’t accomplished in the context of an area of my brain blocking them from happening. I’ve always thought… well I’m not sure. It was some magical outside force that wasn’t leading me there! In fact, I know who it is – it’s me. But no more!

-N.C.