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Category: Life

Modeling Unexpected Generosity

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Not having a car has led me to greatly rely on others. Right after my car died, I assumed I would be taking public transportation and walking everywhere I went – but things have turned out very differently.

My friends and loved ones have been giving me rides and loaning me their cars. And no, not because I have asked. They have offered these things. And they’ve done even more than offer – they’ve insisted! Even when I’ve protested, said it’s way too generous of them and I couldn’t put them out like that, they have stood their ground and forced their generosity on me.

This experience has surprised me to say the least. While I have always thought the best of people, and believe people to be naturally giving and generous, this has far exceeded my expectations. I am incredibly grateful.

Which makes me think… if the tables were turned, would I be so generous? I’m not sure how I would have felt before. But I can tell you for sure that I will in the future. I’ll remember the place I was at and remember how I felt toward those who insisted that I accept their generosity. I’ll know that my friend isn’t expecting me to be generous, but because it will help her so much, I’ll do it.

The unexpected generosity I’ve been experiencing is going to go far. It’s going to go farther than just me. I will keep it going and it’s sure to spread like wildfire. Because once you have a taste of unexpected generosity, you can never get enough.

-N.C.

What To Do With Your Overactive Mind

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Like most people, I’m often consumed with the unknown in my mind. What if this happens? What about if I had said this instead? What am I doing wrong? My mind is endlessly running, thinking of how I could have done something differently, or how I’ll do something in the future.

And when you’re like me – someone who loves efficiency, whether it’s in your nonprofit or your personal life – this tendency to over-think can have serious ramifications.

I’ve always thought it was an asset that I have a knack for making things more efficient. I like to read up on the latest technology, understand best practices, and help nonprofits become more efficient, through new systems, procedures, and policies. I love that stuff!

But – because I want to make sure I do everything the best way I can, I try to prepare for how I’ll do it in advance, instead of relying on my instincts at the moment. Planning is good, but over-planning is my downfall.

Here are some tips that help me fight the over-thinking beast!

  • Admit you have a problem. I’ve always been aware that I’ve been an over-thinker. I never really thought it was much of a problem. It’s only now that I realize how much damage it does to me. Instead of reveling in the present – our days, after all, are filled with beautiful small moments to appreciate – I dwell on the past or plan for the future. Understanding that this is a part of me and my life is the first step to addressing it.
  • Cut yourself off. Now that you’ve realized the problem you have, you will notice yourself doing it. All the time. I mean, all the time! Whenever I realize I’m doing it (often when I’m driving or doing something else routine), I gently bring myself back to the present. I wrote about this practice of mindfulness in What is Work/Life Balance?.
  • Bring this knowledge back to your work. As a development staff member, special events are inevitably part of the job. I’ve always hated them (as you read here), but I never fully understood why – until now! Events are one of those things that you can never plan for every small detail – you just have to move forward as best prepared as possible. It is highly possible to over-prepare for an event – that’s what I do!! And then I just make myself miserable with all the negative possibilities and work myself to the bone preparing back up plans in my mind. Now I understand why I dislike events, and hopefully now I can move toward not hating them so much!

It’s good to plan, but I’m realizing more and more that this strength comes with its drawbacks, too. Like I said, the first step is becoming aware of the problem, and I will tell you that’s helped me tremendously already. I have a long way to go to focus on fully embracing the present, but at least now I know the task at hand, and can slowly move in that direction.

-N.C.

Celebrating One Year of Blogging

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I’m commemorating blogging for one year with a blog redesign! I’ve changed my photo, headline, About Me section, and design of the homepage! I’ve even changed my Twitter bio to go along with everything. Please let me know what you think!

What a good exercise this was. Now that it’s been a year, I understand better what I’m passionate about and what comes naturally when I’m thinking about blogging. It wasn’t until I put it into words that I’ve really understood what this blog has become.

Nonprofit Chapin is not just about my experience working in the nonprofit sector. It’s framing my experience in the context of stress management and other important things to incorporate into your life as a nonprofit staffer. It’s about creating personal and professional vision. It’s about getting your needs met, whether that be in the professional or personal sense. It’s about putting you first – something I’m working on as we go! These are the things I’ve felt compelled to write about, and this is what the blog has become.

When I started this blog, I wanted to make sure to write everything from my personal perspective. I didn’t want to pretend to be an expert in the nonprofit sector, in Gen-Y, in anything. I wanted to write from my heart and see what happens. And the product has been something beautiful: writing about the aspects of personal success that aren’t necessarily so prevalent in the workforce – happiness, peace, and love, for yourself and others. These are the things I’m working on for myself, so I’m happy to have you alongside with me.

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you are continuing to enjoy this journey as much as I am!

-N.C.

Does This Enhance My Life?

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I’ve been asking myself that question regarding everything I choose to do lately. As I’m working full time and in school, and am blessed to have many friends and family around, I’m constantly being pulled in every direction when the only direction that really matters is my own. So, I’ve been working to frame every decision I make by answering a very important question: does this enhance my life?

The question can be interpreted many ways and in fact is very broad. Yes, there are obvious things, like work, that enhance my life because I get paid and can live the lifestyle I want. But there are more subtle ways my life is enhanced as well. Going to school enhances my life not only because it will help my career progress, but also because it’s sparked new curiosity in other parts of the nonprofit sector, it’s connected me to likeminded people, and it’s continuing to allow me to think critically about the sector and my role in it. Lunch with a friend enhances my life by allowing me to grow a friendship that supports me emotionally and mentally. Even something like accompanying a friend to an event – something that doesn’t appear to directly enhance my life – does, as I am supporting someone who will appreciate my friendship that much more.

I encourage you to think about the commitments you make in this context. Before blindly saying yes, ask yourself: does this enhance my life? Because while it may be a very worthy cause, if you overextend yourself, your contributions to the things that matter to you may be affected. And in the end, there’s only one thing that really matters: you.

-N.C.

Happy International Women’s Day!

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Today, March 8, is International Women’s Day. It’s a day that celebrates the achievements of women in the past, present and future. There are events all around the world to celebrate women, and in some countries it’s even a national holiday. You can learn more at their website here.

Browsing through the website a story from Gemma, age 13, caught my eye (you can read it here). Gemma wrote about helping women stand up for themselves. She wrote with passion and conviction that teaching others to stand up for themselves is important. I loved her insight and determined attitude.

I’m no gender studies expert, but I am a woman, and I can tell you that my womanhood effects my life every day. When I go to the store, walk across the street, or get my oil changed, being a woman makes a difference.

But what about as a nonprofit staffer? Take a look around at your nonprofit office. There are many more women than men working in the nonprofit sector. What does this mean? In my experience, this means greater opportunity for women for management roles, a bigger voice, and a sensitive environment. When I’m at the office I don’t feel as though I’m being watched in the same way I do out in public. I feel safe. I feel happy to be alongside my sisters.

Whatever International Women’s Day means to you, I hope you spend today celebrating the women in your life. Because without them, none of us would be here!

-N.C.

What is Work/Life Balance?

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This post by Annie McKee hit so close to home that as soon as I read it I knew I had to blog about it. It combines everything I’ve been thinking about the past three months – what exactly does work/life balance mean? How can I be successful at work, home, in school, and with my loved ones without getting stressed out? I love my job – but why do I still seem to love my life outside of the office more?

My main takeaway from her piece is that there is no such thing as a work/life balance, and those of us who have been spending time working to achieve it are simply spinning our wheels. Life is always going to be (and should be) more important than work. Our friends and family will always be more important than the work we are doing. Instead, we should focus on balancing ourselves. That includes mindfulness, a practice I’ve recently learned and have been incorporating into my life. I love this quote from her piece:

You can start by cultivating practices that allow you to re-engage with yourself, focus optimistically on the future and connect compassionately with other people. You can start with mindfulness — tuning in to yourself, your environment and others.

As she also mentions, mindfulness does not necessarily mean taking time out of your already busy day to meditate, do yoga, or the like. In fact, I don’t take any time out of my day when I practice mindfulness. Instead, I am working to incorporate it into what I’m already doing. When I’m driving, when I’m waiting for the crosswalk light to change, when I’m waiting for my takeout to be ready… I practice mindfulness. And that practice encourages me to remember to do it when I really do need it – preparing for a meeting at work, being called to speak in class, or doing something new. Instead of getting anxious, I work to live in the present and appreciate the moment.

Of course, I have not achieved perfect self-balance yet. But I’m working on it. And I highly encourage you to read the Annie McKee’s post and think about balance in your life. I want to leave you with one last quote.

Like mindfulness, hope is a powerful antidote to stress. A vision of a better future, optimism and the belief we can make it happen helps to calm our nervous system. Think about your dreams. Help someone else achieve theirs. Pick up trash on the way to work. Talk to a child about what he or she wants to be. Actions like these, done mindfully and often will make a difference.

-N.C.

Fake it Til You Make it (Or, How to be the Center of Attention)

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I’ve written before about the fact that I’m an introvert. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that – I just have a different style of communicating. But, there are moments where I need to forget about that and be – well – more outgoing.

I’m a big fan of the fake it til you make it mentality. I believe that you have power in your thoughts, and when your actions follow, your mind and heart are next. So – here are a few tips I have to take that inner ham and put it in the spotlight.

  • Ask lots of questions. I love this one. It’s especially easy because I’m genuinely interested in hearing about other peoples’ lives. And, the focus isn’t completely on me, but I’m keeping the conversation flowing and I’m not coming off as a wallflower. My first instinct is to go to shared interests. If you’re passionate about writing, and the other person is passionate about writing, start there. Your excitement will come through naturally and everyone will be happier.
  • Follow up with your response. It’s not enough to have a one sided conversation. Even if the other person doesn’t ask you back, there’s no problem to share both your thoughts about what the other person is saying and your own answer. Your thoughts will demonstrate that you’re listening and your own response will make sure you come across as open. Because unfortunately for us introverts, coming off as open is not always natural.
  • Don’t be afraid to be silly! Humor always helps a situation. Say what everyone else is thinking but isn’t saying. Be witty. If no one laughs, who cares? They’ll forget about it in one minute (or less) anyway. Keep putting yourself out there with these comments and the more you do it, the easier it will be to be outspoken in general.

I know, I know, easier said than done. And to be honest with you, part of the reason I wrote this post is because I will be in a situation this weekend where I’ll need to channel my inner extrovert. But like I said, thoughts can guide actions which will then guide your mind and heart. And really, I can’t remember the last time I regretted something I said, but I regret something I didn’t say all the time. That needs to change.

-N.C.

Keeping Drama Free

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We all have moments in the office that are full of drama. The boss told your colleague this and she did that and so on and so forth. This happens in the nonprofit sector just as much as in for profit companies. Just because we’re here for a reason bigger than ourselves doesn’t mean everything’s fine and dandy all the time – in fact, it’s often even more tense, because we’re all so passionate about our work.

Drama can be especially hurtful when the one getting the brunt of it is someone you’re friends with. It’s only natural to want to take sides… but I’m here to advise you not to. It’s so important to stay neutral. For your own personal sanity and for everyone’s benefit.

Here are a few tips to keep your cool in the midst of drama.

  • Be sympathetic. Notice I didn’t say be empathetic. Of course, it’s your friend, so listen, nod, and keep listening. Be a shoulder to cry on. Write a card of encouragement. But don’t cross that line to try to be in her shoes. You aren’t the one involved, and you shouldn’t try to be. Trust me, it won’t help anyone.
  • See all sides. Yes, because the person you’re friends with is going to vent to you, you’re most likely going to hear about one side much more than the other. And the way she slants everything probably means you’re going to justify her actions. But whatever your friend says, remember there’s always another side to the coin. You don’t know the other person’s point of view. So remember not to jump to any conclusions.
  • Separate yourself from the drama. No matter what happens between your colleagues, you still have a job to do. And maybe you’re going for a promotion or in it for the long haul. Don’t let the drama impact your view on your job. Be aware that it’s happening, but don’t let it change your mind about anything. You’re your own person with your own job to do.

You are in control of yourself. Your perception and attitude shape your future. Don’t let the drama get you down! Be supportive but neutral, and you’ll stay drama free.

-N.C.

Living Peacefully

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Happy 2012! I hope you had a nice holiday celebrating with loved ones and spent the end of the year reflecting on what went well the past year and what you’re looking forward to in this one.

As opposed to making a New Year’s Resolution this year (as I did last year with stopping our TV service – which was a great decision, I might add!), I decided to adopt a 2012 mantra. My theme for 2012 is hereby:

Living Peacefully.

2011, while wonderful, was a stressful year for me. It was full of change, new beginnings, and the unknown… and consequently, I got stressed out. Not just annoyed once in a while… really stressed. I felt anxious much of the time. I was unhappy often. It was a difficult adjustment.

Now that it’s been a few months since all the big changes, I’ve gotten a handle on that anxiety. I’ve been proactive about making adjustments to my life and the way I approach stress. For 2012, I want to continue on that path in a big way.

To me, living peacefully means always approaching my life in a calm, balanced way. It means living in line with my values. It means living my life the way I want to, doing the best I can, and knowing that’s perfect.

Whenever I find myself getting worried or stressed, I think about one way I’m living peacefully, or, if I’m not, a way I could in that moment. And then I tweet it. I find telling others about how I’m living out my mantra helps me actually embody the saying. So, the next time you see me tweet how I’m living peacefully, I encourage you to think about if you’re living your life the same way, and retweeting if you agree. Because we could all use a little more peace in our lives.

– N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 9 – Life Map

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I’m participating in the 31 Days to Reset Your Life program at Happy Black Woman. The program is designed to help you evaluate your goals and priorities and think of them in the context of your life today and how you might be able to refocus on what’s important. Read on to learn about my experience with the challenge!

Today’s exercise was to create a diagram in which you envision your ideal life. Each of the seven elements of life that we discussed on Day 2 were what we looked at to create this diagram.

I first took each of the seven areas and listed my ideal vision for them. After, I drew a circle in the middle (with my name in it) and seven circles coming from it that listed each of these areas. I took two of my main points for each one and wrote them next to it.

Lifestyle: Regular leisure time, living in a comfortable and stimulating environment

Work: Career where I can empower others, variety of tasks

Education: Continue to give and receive from the MNA program, don’t turn to costly education at every turn

Finances: Clear budget that can be followed easily, paying off debt and saving regularly

Health: Stable condition and healthy way of dealing with symptoms, stable mental health in regards to stress and anxiety

Family: Good balance of family and other commitments, supportive relationship

Relationships: Loving and supportive relationship, secure with knowing nothing is guaranteed

My map is now on my wall directly above my computer, next to my most important values. Great exercise to verify where I’d like to be in all of these areas.

-N.C.