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31 Day Reset: Day 2 – A Lifestyle Surprise

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I’m participating in the 31 Days to Reset Your Life program at Happy Black Woman. The program is designed to help you evaluate your goals and priorities and think of them in the context of your life today and how you might be able to refocus on what’s important. Read on to learn about my experience with the challenge!

Today’s assignment was meant to take an honest assessment of my life. For each of seven areas (lifestyle, work, education, finances, health, family, and relationships) I wrote down what I like and what I dislike about each piece. The only way to identify where you’re going is to start with where you are.

More than what I actually wrote for each area – i.e., I dislike the workload that comes along with my Masters program – I learned more from the amount of things I wrote for each area. Here are a few things that jumped out at me.

Lifestyle: I had by far the least amount of things to write here. Either like or dislike. I could think of one thing I like and two I dislike. Rosetta described lifestyle as “satisfaction with where you live/living environment, how you spend your leisure time these days.” Um – leisure time? What’s that? And while I like our apartment, I’m not in love with the neighborhood we live in… it’s in a convenient location in relation to all my commitments… but why are my commitments driving all other aspects of my life? I wasn’t happy to see that I don’t have much to put in lifestyle… when I really value being able to take time for myself…

Work: Just this past weekend, I was complaining that work was stressful and that my next job should have less stress. But my like to dislike ratio for work? It’s 6:2. So when I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it will be good for me to remember there are several things I love about my job – I have great colleagues, wonderful professional development opportunities, and I’m making a difference.

Health: Woh boy. I thought this was going to be a huge focus on the dislike and hardly any like, as I have a pretty serious health condition, something I’ve been struggling with lately. I was surprised to see that while I had a long dislike list, my like list was almost as long. Similarly to work, I have so much to be thankful for with my health – I have recently lost weight to get into my healthy range, I have an answer to my questions around my health, and I can be more proactive in treating it and learning about it.

I guess overall I identified that there are some areas that are great (work, health) and some that need work (lifestyle – my surprise category). I hope that in this next month I can use this information to help shape my future.

-N.C.

31 Day Reset: Day 1 – Letting Go & Corinne Bailey Rae

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I’m participating in the 31 Days to Reset Your Life program on Happy Black Woman. The personal development program is designed by the woman who inspired me to start this blog, and continues to inspire me with her insightful work and life tips – Rosetta Thurman. I heard about this program a few months back but kept thinking I was too busy with school (which is true). Therefore, as I finished my last session on Tuesday, the timing is perfect to do some life reflection!

The program has a daily challenge to help you explore areas of your life. We all know I’m in no rut – in fact, with work and school, I’m on the fast track. Maybe too fast. So I thought I’d take this opportunity to think about what’s important to me in the 156 things I do each day. I hope this will help me focus on those things.

I hope to blog about my experience whenever I get the chance! I hope you enjoy the journey alongside me!

Journal: Day 1 starts with getting a journal to respond to the prompts in (in addition to blogging). In my effort to become more of a minimalist, I actually sold or gave away all the blank journals I had at my garage sale back in May. So, in the 20 minute window of time I had today, I stopped at CVS and picked one up. It’s sweet, very neutral, and calming – because instead of necessarily being energized, I’m hoping to become more focused through this process.

Personal Mantra: Rosetta’s asked us to choose a personal mantra, a quote that helps frame what we’d like this experience to be for us. Of course I have a million quotes that are about conquering the world and helping others… but I wanted this one to be different. To focus on happiness in its simplest form.

“We can travel a long way and do many things, but our deepest happiness is not born from accumulating new experiences. It is born from letting go of what is unnecessary, and knowing ourselves to be always at home.” – Sharon Salzberg

Theme Song: The song should be something that is motivational during your journey. I chose the song Girl Put Your Records On by Corinne Bailey Rae. The lyrics really speak to me – themes that stood out were letting your hair down, finding yourself, it’s alright to feel afraid, and it’s OK to be wrong. It’s a great song that I know will continue to inspire me this month!

-N.C.

How to Give Thanks Every Day

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Thanksgiving is so wonderful, because so many people are focusing on one of my favorite things in the world: gratitude. And while I enjoy all the Facebook posts, tweets, and texts of gratitude – the question is, why can’t we do that every day? In every aspect of our lives?

Here are a few ways you can be grateful every day.

  • Say thank you. I know it sounds obvious, but you would be surprised how few people actually do it! So often people think, well obviously I’m grateful, so why do I need to actually say those two words? My personal mantra is that you can’t say thank you enough. Any time anyone does something nice – thank them! And it doesn’t have to be for you – if you notice someone doing something nice for someone else, feel free to thank them also! You’ll be surprised how much it makes their day.
  • Think big picture. It’s obviously incredibly overwhelming to think of all the inequalities in the world, so think big picture but in a small way. Think about your neighbor who got laid off and can’t find a new job. Think of the homeless man you pass every day on your way to work. Now think about your situation. Not so bad, is it? If you have a roof over your head, a refrigerator with food, and clothes in your closet, you’re part of a very lucky few. Remember that in everything you do.
  • Consider what you have and why it matters. Think of the things you value in your life, and whether you could work toward them in the same capacity if you weren’t so fortunate. One of my most important values is leaving a legacy. Yes, a legacy can be left even at the ground level, but I am fortunate to have been given the opportunities I needed to now be in a position where I can create change, and leave a legacy, on a bigger scale. I am grateful for the resources I have been given, not just because I can survive, but because they are helping me live out my most important values.

I love Thanksgiving because it encourages people to evaluate the things in their life for which they are grateful. But why can’t we do that every day? I’m here to say we can, and I hope the above three suggestions help you remember what you’re thankful for.

-N.C.

Donors are People, Too!

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I’ve noticed an “us versus them” attitude with fundraisers and donors. Us development staff spend hours trying to understand what motivates, inspires, and eventually causes donors to give. What makes them happy. What makes them sad. Heck, there are countless studies on what day of the week and time of day donors are on Facebook!

I understand the value of understanding the art of giving – and I appreciate that people want to understand what donors want instead of cramming solicitations down their throat. But when does this interest go too far?

I’m here to make a bold statement.

Donors are people, too!

Development staff get so wrapped up in understanding what donors might want that they get scared to do anything at all. Acknowledgement letters go out without personal notes. Major donors don’t get regular calls. Volunteers are never asked for money.

We need to make a change. The next time you send an appeal to a donor you know recently donated, take two minutes to hand write a note to thank them. On a random day, call up a major donor just to say thank you. Sending an acknowledgment letter to someone who gives regularly? Reference that!

These are not big changes. They’re small, but I promise you they make a world of difference. When was the last time you got anything hand written in the mail? Follow the golden rule – for every donor you work with, treat them the way you want to be treated. Simply acknowledge that they’re special.

Because donors are people, too.

-N.C.

What To Do When You’re Really Good at Something You Hate

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Earlier this week I prepared my self evaluation for my 90 day review. My supervisor and I met to go over it and she briefly told me that she’s going to prepare something official, but in the meantime, she wanted me to know I was doing well. And then she added the thing that has most impressed her about my work in these first three months.

When you managed registration at Winners! You were so great, greeting guests and keeping everything organized. You had it all figured out – it was really outstanding!

Something you may or may not know about me is that I hate events. Definitely my least favorite part of fundraising. And yes, Winners is the annual gala – an event.

My first reaction to this feedback was: Really? I’ve been doing all this other work and that’s what you point out?? But I decided to use this moment to understand more about her opinion. Here are a few things I suggest you identify when you get this feedback – that you’re really good at something you hate.

  • Identify what made you great. My time managing the registration desk and volunteers clearly stood out to my supervisor. Why? Well, I did everything from determine the check in process, to setting up materials, to training the volunteers, to greeting guests and introducing myself. And she didn’t have to ask me to do one thing. In short, I took initiative. I stood out because when I overheard a volunteer say a board member’s name, I took their nametag over to them and introduced myself. For me, taking the initiative is something that has come with time and experience. Hearing this feedback made me feel like I’m in a good place with that journey.
  • Identify something about it that you love. So I lied when I said I hate events. I hate event planning… but there are elements to the actual event that I love. Relationship building is one of those things, and that’s absolutely something that is essential to a good registration experience. I didn’t just stand there after training the volunteers, I met as many people as I could. And relationship building is the heart of fundraising – so it’s a good thing I love it!
  • Identify what you can translate to your other (more well-liked) duties. Something I can work on in my day to day job that I excelled at that night is to always be outgoing. As an introvert, I like to hear what others have to say before I chime in. That night I always spoke first – I threw caution to the wind and went for it. This is definitely something I can use when speaking with donors in other realms.

I guess there are worse things in life than being told you’re really good at something you hate. Like being told you’re really bad at something you love! But, as silly as it sounds, it’s actually a bit frustrating to hear. I hope these tips help you understand the feedback. I know they’ve helped me.

-N.C.

Thoughts on the Future

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As always, I’ve been tossing around ideas about my future lately. I have my five most important values posted on my wall so that I’m reminded of them every day. One of them is making a difference. But what I haven’t really asked myself is…

What does it mean to make a difference?

I’ve always thought of making a difference in the traditional way. Take a visible leadership role and make change in your community. Participate in advocacy, educate your peers, and take an active role in changing the world. Pick up litter. Smile at a stranger. Recycle. You know, that sort of thing.

But last night I thought… what if I’m thinking too small? What if I’m being too close minded about what making a difference can mean? I’ve shared on here that I’m open to being a nonprofit consultant in the future (see my post Updating My About Me Page). But lately I think I might have shifted that thinking from being a possibility to being a strong possibility. Even stronger than becoming a CEO.

My time in the Master of Nonprofit Administration program at USF will be so useful in a consultant capacity. I’ll be able to use my skills and knowledge with a large breadth of organizations. The work will be varied and interesting. And, the responsibility will be different.

I have to admit, I have a hard time shouldering a large amount of responsibility. I get very wrapped up in doing everyone proud that I drive myself a little nuts (see my post I Am an Overachiever). Being a consultant would be a different type of responsibility. I can be a partner with a CEO to assist them with implementation, but not be the sole person creating change. I can be in the supporting role, much like I loved being an advisor to student organizations at UCSD (namely, Alternative Breaks). It’s a different type of responsibility, and one that very much attracts me.

As always, things change. But the important thing is that I’m continually thinking about what will make me happy and what works best for my future. And I think this just might be the ticket.

-N.C.

How to Take the Initiative

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I’ve read a few posts lately about the importance of taking the initiative. Initiative is one of those elusive buzzwords that we all know we should have, but don’t necessarily understand why or how to get it. We want to balance decision making with collaboration. How?

Here are a few of my personal mantras that I use in my professional life to help me take the initiative.

  • Never ask a question, always propose a solution. Think about the question you’re about to go to your supervisor with. What would you do if she wasn’t there? What would you do if you had total control over the decision making? Nine times out of ten that’s the thing you should do (especially if you have experience in the field). Go to your supervisor with your proposal and see what she says. Trust me, initiative will be the first word that comes to her mind in thinking about your performance.
  • Be opinionated. Nothing’s worse than an ambivalent worker. If you work in a nonprofit, chances are you’re passionate about your work – let that come across in your conversations with your peers. When you’re asked a question, give a thoughtful, honest answer with your opinion. Even if it’s not the opinion of the majority, you will be respected for your contribution and will be looked at as someone with valuable insight.
  • If you think it should be done, do it! This is a quick and easy way to make sure you’re taking the initiative. It’s easy to sit back and criticize, or wonder, shouldn’t ______ be happening? If you’re helping to coordinate a mailing and you know you’ll need a certain amount of labels, envelopes, postage… well, check the supply cabinet. Go to your supervisor and let her know that you’ll need to order more envelopes. I have moments when I’m not sure whether I’m overstepping my boundaries of my job description… and those are usually the ones I get the most praise for later.
  • Learn to manage up. Your supervisor can’t read your mind. Heck, your mother can’t even read your mind. Express yourself to your supervisor and tell her your goals. If she doesn’t react the way you want, remember that her attitude doesn’t determine your job performance. Identify your supervisor’s strengths and weaknesses and work with them in the same way she should work with you. It’s easy to blame a bad boss on laying off the initiative – don’t let that happen.

Taking the initiative doesn’t have to be difficult. And you don’t have to be an extrovert to do it. It’s simply about being aware of the big picture and doing whatever you can to help everyone get to the end. Good luck and go get ’em!

-N.C.

I Am an Overachiever

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I’ve never identified myself as an overachiever. I would definitely describe myself as driven, motivated, goal oriented, and even a little Type A – but not an overachiever.

Until I read 5 Mistakes That Cause Overachievers to Fail by Jennifer Gresham on Everyday Bright.

Unfortunately, I’m becoming very familiar with these failures Jennifer references in this post. Too familiar. And I would venture to guess that many nonprofit staffers feel the same – we’re all passionate people or we wouldn’t be in this field. When does passion go too far?

I have been incredibly stressed out lately. Yes, I’ve had a lot of life changes in the past few months – moving, new job, new grad school program… but still, something more has been tugging at me. Something beyond the usual nerves of something new. Something more substantial.

I read this post and realized – that’s it. I’m an overachiever. My overachiever self is going crazy trying to balance all these new parts of my life and do them all perfectly.

I’m spending a lot of time worrying about what others think. I want to impress my colleagues, look smart to my cohort/professor, and fit in perfectly with my new community. I want to be the perfect employee, friend, and girlfriend. I want to achieve perfection in every aspect of my life.

Instead of inspiring me, these goals are causing me to be anxious almost all of the time. I’m worried about balancing it all and being perfect all at the same time. I’ve realized I’ve become obsessed with this idea of being good at everything. Not just good – great.

When I had just one or two things going on, it was doable. I would say I was a pretty great employee and girlfriend back where we used to live. But now we’ve moved and I’ve added on student and family member… with a brand new job that demands more… and less time to be a great girlfriend… clearly, my perfectionist self is in overdrive. How can I make this happen??

I can’t.

What I can make happen is doing the best I can at everything I do. And knowing that’s good enough.

It’s better than good enough – it’s perfect.

-N.C.

Updating My About Me Page

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Describe yourself in four paragraphs. Not so easy, is it? Putting together my About Nonprofit Chapin page on this blog turned out to be just as challenging. And updating it was even worse.

I had been waiting to update the page until I had started both my new job and new graduate school program. They both are directly related to what I write about in this blog so I knew they’d be applicable. So, I waited, and waited… and waited. Then, the time came. I needed to update the page.

Putting together the history of my employment and involvement in the nonprofit sector wasn’t so bad. That’s really all facts. It’s what comes after that which was so difficult. Not difficult, per say, but… weird. And interesting to see how much had changed in the last six months.

Do you remember what your goals were six months ago? I do, mostly because I’ve been in the process of applying to graduate school, jobs, and the like, so I’ve needed to write everything down. What has been most striking to me is how much my goals have changed in the past six months.

I’ve always been on the path of becoming a nonprofit CEO. I’ve admired the way CEOs get the opportunity to connect with all types of people, collaborate, and make decisions that have huge impacts on their organization and ultimately the cause they are working for. Three out of my five most important values relate to things a nonprofit CEO would do: leadership, leaving a legacy, and making a difference.

But in the past six months I’ve really been thinking about what these values mean. What does making a difference mean? What does leadership mean? And that’s got me thinking – why do I want to be a nonprofit CEO?

In fact, one could argue there are bigger ways to affect the nonprofit sector. I’ve recently been thinking a lot about becoming a consultant. One consultant could affect multiple CEOs in one week, which in turn could affect multiple organizations and multiple causes. And although a consultant isn’t necessarily the leader of an organization, she is a leader in her own right, forging ahead with best practices in the sector. And she’s definitely leaving a legacy and making a difference.

Of course, I don’t know where my path will lead, and the most important thing is that I’m keeping an open mind. Especially with this Masters in Nonprofit Administration, I know I’ll end up somewhere I can definitely exercise my most important values.

-N.C.

Why You Should’ve Paid Attention in History

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If I could identify one theme that I’ve see a lot of in the past two weeks, it’s been the importance of history. At my new job, I’m constantly learning how things have been done historically in my position and in the agency. At school, we’re reading about the history of the nonprofit sector. I’ve never really thought of history’s importance too much until I realized I was being bombarded with it. There are a few key reasons understanding history is important.

  • To get where you’re going you have to know where you came from. I’m not going to lie – my predecessor at work did things much differently than the way I plan to do them in the future. From my perspective, much of his tasks were time intensive, inefficient, and ill-advised. But – I took the time to understand why he did things. I asked questions, and I’m continuing to ask questions of my other colleagues, about reasoning and rationale. Even if I’m hoping to do things differently, it’s good to understand the whole story, so that I can pick and choose my battles.
  • It makes you appreciate how good we have things now. It’s easy to complain that the nonprofit sector has it worse than the other sectors – we get paid less, we don’t get taken seriously, and so on. But in my reading of what the nonprofit sector used to look like – even 50 years ago – I’m jumping for joy about how official the sector is today. It wasn’t that long ago that we weren’t even considered a sector, that donations weren’t tax deductible, and that getting a nonprofit status was impossible. I’m definitely grateful that the sector has exploded the way it has and that I can be a part of it now.
  • Knowing history ensures you have all your tools in your tool belt. Moving forward, knowing the history of something can really help you in shaping goals for the future. Knowing the original goals and understanding why they were in place is essential for continuing a project. Working without this knowledge is like starting from scratch, which is very difficult.

Some might say there’s value to not knowing the history of something – it allows you to shape your own opinions and ideas, free of restriction. I disagree. I think knowing the history but keeping an open mind about the future is a much better balance.

Too bad I didn’t pay closer attention in high school.

-N.C.